Don’t Cry in the Supermarket

Written by Amy Farr

Amy is the founder of Loft, a nifty little Auckland based agency. Embarrassingly excitable, and with a real passion for the recruitment industry, Amy brings energy and warmth to the recruitment process. Lover of 80's power ballads, coffee, and days at the beach, and fancies herself as a bit of a gypsy.

I’m one of those really passionate-about-recruitment recruiters.

When I talk to people about my career, I tell them I’m in my dream job. And it’s true.

But this week, mates… this week my dream job nearly broke me.

I cried literal tears of rage as I made my way around Pak’nSave on Thursday, and for once, it wasn’t because someone had rammed me (again) with their trolley.


Hello, Dave?

So, there’s this fella, let’s call him Dave.

I’ve been trying to get Dave into a Sales role with my client since November last year. Dave approached me after coming across my Instagram account, and asked me if I could represent him in the market.

Now, Dave’s a junior candidate in terms of sales experience, but he has relevant industry experience, he’s keen to learn, and he’s got lovely manners. A top lad, I thought.

So, despite Dave not having the experience my client usually looks for, I stuck my neck out, and I sold him in.


‘You have to meet this guy!’ 

I told them.

‘He’s a superstar! So much potential!’


My client didn’t have any space for our Dave at the time, but promised they would keep him front of mind.

I’ve been keeping in touch with Dave ever since, and then true to word, last week we got the call; they have an opening! Would love to meet Dave! I spoke to him about it on Monday – keen as mustard. Gagging for it. Tuesday comes around and we have some interview slots from the client.

But, what’s this? I can’t get hold of Dave. That’s weeeeird…

I’ve left him a couple of voicemails. Texted him, just in-case he doesn’t check voicemails (look after the pennies ladies and gents, and you know what the pounds will do). Sent him an email – maybe he’s left his phone at home?

Repeat like 10 times over the next few days. No word from Dave! Not a dicky-bird. By this time in my messages I’ve reverted to begging ‘please Dave, just tell me what’s wrong. It’s ok that you don’t want to pursue this, but just tell me whhhyyyyyy. Don’t leave it like this!!!!!’

After 3 full days of being ghosted I was livid. I wanted to tip the room upside down. I seriously considered visiting Dave at his place of work.

And then, completely separate to my Dave issues, I get an email from Brenda…


Queue, Avalanche.

She’s had a change of heart about the role she had verbally accepted 2 days prior.

‘Something just didn’t feel right about it’, she says.



And then Tina resigned from the role I placed her in 2 months prior. She loves it there! Loves it! So sad to leave! But been made an offer she just cannot refuse.

‘Mmm-hmmm. I see. Congratulations!!’


A senior candidate I am representing exclusively, asked me to see if I could get him an ‘in’ with the sister-company to one of my clients. Despite the good relationship I have with their sissy, the HR Manager at this new place very politely told me to f-off.

She ‘doesn’t work with recruiters‘.



Did I mention I’m also working on the most impossible role? Might as well be looking to recruit a flying orange llama. The client rejected the two candidates she had met with for interview, during the interview. Went that well then!


What Could You Have Done Differently?

I know, I know. I can hear my managers of old, like the Marley brothers (The Muppet Christmas Carol) highlighting the gaps in my process.

‘Where did you lose control of this one Amy’?

‘What could you have done differently’? 

Yeah, I know. But also, sometimes recruitment is just flipping hard, eh?

As my mate who is also in the industry said to me, ‘Sometimes I think I should get a sales job. I’ll cruise about in my company car, on my free fuel, and ain’t no way my product is gonna jump out of the boot. Shouting ‘Nah! Changed me mind! I’m not keen!’

I’m being a crass old whinging pom I know. And sales is also super challenging no doubt.

But there is a very unique sting to getting ghosted. It can be a hard pill to swallow when your candidate changes their mind. Or your client for that matter.

It’s no wonder there are so many bitter AF recruiters out there, this stuff will carve up the skin of even the toughest old boot. But, as my same recruiter mate said to me (when I called her on my way home from Pak’nSave, crying like Kim K when she lost that earring – apart from not nearly as pretty, and super poor) –

‘But when you get it RIGHT though. When you connect an awesome candidate with a great organisation, in their ideal role. That high is flipping SWEEEET. Can’t imagine getting the feels like that over selling coffee, or tools or whatever’.

So, we brush ourselves off and get on with it.


The Takeaway?

Dave is a distant memory, as I’m sure you can tell – I’m totally over that guy.

The client rallied and met with Brenda to address her concerns, and she has signed on the line.

After sitting down again with the hiring manager for the Flying Orange Llama role, we’ve re-defined the scope and I have another interview happening later this week. Fingers crossed!

It’s OK to fall out with Recruitment sometimes, it’s only natural. But remember, as sick as it is, you actually wouldn’t enjoy it if it was always easy. All of the shit stuff is really good learning, and it’s making you into an even better recruiter.

Stay calm and carry on, it’s worth it for all of those times it works as it should, and you get to connect amazing people with amazing businesses.

If you can help it, when the shit hits the fan, don’t cry in the supermarket.

It’s alarming for other shoppers.

And it makes you feel extra sad, because grocery shopping is bad enough.


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